Once upon a time, I was quite the fearless child. I climbed trees. Oh, I loved climbing trees. We’d gone to East Tawas, MI, when I was a child . . . it had something to do with a family member or a friend for a friend of the family. I found the tallest tree I could and climbed as high as I could, which was pretty high up. I could see out.
This wasn’t entirely cool with the other kids. They ran back and told my mom what I had done.
My mother did nothing about this particular adventure of mine. Her response, upon the tattling, was: She got herself up there, she can get herself down.
Now mind you, I was like 5 or 6 at the time, and my mom has been quite overprotective of her children. She, however, understood we would get into trouble at times, that we could be trouble, and knew when disciplinary action was truly required. We weren’t always wrong, but we weren’t always right. Some situations were of our own making, and we needed to either dig ourselves out again or deal with the consequences. Sometimes both.
That’s where I’m finding myself now, on this eve of the new year. I’ve asked for help a couple of times to get me to places. And I do realize that everything seems so topsy turvy. One moment, I couldn’t wait to get to Seattle. Three months later, I’m ready to leave. Some of it is coming to I didn’t leave Michigan to land in Michigan. I can’t explain how things actually feel to me, other than this part of Washington, despite no snow, reminds me of the place I left behind. I also knew it wasn’t going to be a permanent move, and there are some who will say “You should have gone to Philadelphia instead”.
I do not regret the decision to come out here. On so many levels, it’s been a healing experience, one I will cherish until the day I die. It’s where I’ve learned how to not set my plans in stone, to stand up for myself, to have confidence in myself. It’s where I’ve regained some vital pieces of me I feared losing forever.
It’s also where I’m gaining the strength to do what I want and need to do, to have faith in myself, and losing quite a bit of fear. It is a situation of my own making. I know my options, most of which won’t look pretty to others not inside my head. There are also some who will hold the same position as my mother: You got yourself into this, you can get yourself out.
Well, there is always some risk involved with life. Have a happy new year’s celebration, everyone, and I hope you’ll join me when I hit the road for Arizona to meet my best friend for the first time ever.
Happy New Year!