Starting with the mini rant as I want to end this entry on a positive note.
I really should listen to Manic Monday by the Bangles some days. Today, the theme seems to fit in some ways. The bus ran late, which was a bit annoying (I could have walked to another location and gotten there faster in the time it took to wait for said bus). But it still worked out. By the time it got to the stop, I’d decided to have a bit of an adventure for the day so, instead of going with a one-way trip, I purchased a day pass and went to the mall.
I also had a bit of an emotional weekend, mostly on Saturday. As I’ve mentioned before, I’m moving out of Tulsa to a new location (yes, I know where I’m going; no, I’m not announcing the where until sometime over the weekend or next Monday). One of the places I was looking at was very ideal for me. Half a house, under $500 a month for rent (utilities not included) with the landlord, according to the girl who posted the ad, wanting a six month to one year lease contract. That I can live with, certainly. After a rough day at work on Saturday (I was caught between happy and irritated), I found I wasn’t chosen for the place. (I have obviously not mastered the art of making a pest of out myself when need be.)
Talk about a lesson in rejection over something I really wanted! I got the news on my way back to the house after leaving work and held it together . . . until I got into my basement bedroom. I had a hard time breathing for a bit, managed to calm myself to go back upstairs (my sister had a gift for me, if I liked it – by the way, I did) then lost it all over again once back in the basement. It was a rough go, a painful crescendo to a turbulent day.
As far as it goes, I handed this quite welll. Not the greatest, certainly, but I learned that I have two ways of actually dealing with rejection. One is the slight sniff and shrug of the shoulders with an added “I didn’t really want to work there anyway” or “I didn’t want to move there anyway”, what have you, and actually mean it as it was a token effort in the first place. This was something I actually, truly wanted because, hey, only one roommate, half a house to myself with no need to wait for a bathroom like you have to when you live with more than one person and only have one bathroom, who wouldn’t want such a thing, really?
So I cried. I slept, and I have goten over it. I’m not demanding to know why from the gal, I’m not throwing a temper tantrum at having been looked over, nothing. I tripped and stumbled and got a little dirt on me. I didn’t have a house fall on top of me, so to speak, and I had kept in mind that there was a chance I would not be chosen. So I kept looking and had actually found another.
And I’m turbulent over this one, too. Mainly, it’s because it’s a very short-term arrangement (two to three months), and I’d possibly have to move again after that time. Yeah, it could be longer, but the chances of that are kind of slim at this point. Right now, mentally, I’m not prepared for another move on the heels of this move. From a financial standpoint as well as a practical one, it also makes no sense to move itno this place just to have to turn around and look again.
I’m also kind of stuck and limited in what I can find. Because I played it safe for way too long, I have no renters’ history, nothing I can use as a back-up to say, hey, I’m an ideal tenent to an actual apartment complex.
Now, pissing and moaning aside, I can definitely make this particular arrangement in front of me work. Do I want to have to live out of a suitcase for a couple of months? No. I’ve been doing that for a year now. But I can carry on until I can get into the ideal place. It’s just going to be a bit of a mad scramble, finding work and starting the place-to-live hunt again, and it’s something I’m just not looking forward to doing. I would like some sense of stability after this.
Anyway, that’s the end of the rant. I know I can make any type of a situation work for me, I don’t always look forward to doing so, don’t always want to do so, but life isn’t always meant to be simple and easy. That said, well, I did have an adventure today. Not something grand, like what heroes undertake in epic fantasy novels, but it was certainly fun. Thanks to the day pass for the bus, I made my way to the Woodland Hills Mall, where I had lunch (primary reason for going – Nori Japan is simply awesome for Japanese fast food) and bought a gift for a friend of mine (he likes chocolate covered gummy bears – yes, it’s as weird as it sounds!). I’ve since meandered over to Barnes and Noble so I can continue looking for a place and to promote currently published stories and to, well, write this entry. Overall, thoughts on housing aside, I’m having a good day.
Which now brings me to my announcement. I’ll be publishing a short story sometime between the end of May and the end of June. Sigyn’s Flowers is nearing completion and will go through a few rounds of critique. Once I have it finished and polished, I’ll be seeking to send out some advance copies to people via email. I’m testing a mini launch team to help in promoting the story. It’ll be a small number, of course, so if anyone who reads this is interested, please let me know.
And that’s it for today. Until tomorrow, my friends!