Okay, to be fair, 2020 was something of a turbulent year for everyone. Let’s not kid ourselves on that. And some of my personal turbulence started in October of 2019.
For starters, my mother and I had a major falling out . . . almost three weeks before she passed away. For those of you who weren’t aware, her health wasn’t the greatest for the longest of times. It wasn’t something openly talked about by any of us . . . mainly because the declaration was “it wasn’t anyone’s business”, but if we don’t talk about health care issues, how do we expect to get anything changed? For some of you who have actually known me for a long time and know that she had the heart condition, her medications got the better of her along with hemorrhoids. If I recall HER words correctly, when she brought up the bleeding with her doctors, they told her they couldn’t really do anything about it. I don’t know if they were worried about the blood thinners causing more problems than curing anything, but that’s what ultimately killed her anyhow – slowly bleeding to death because she was on blood thinners. (Before you say she should’ve stopped taking them, that’s what some of her doctors tried to get her to do, but she also had a mechanical heart valve. That automatically put her on blood thinners for the rest of her life.)
Admitting that she and I had a falling out is hard. She was one of the strongest women I knew, and to have things get as bad and as toxic as they did . . . it haunts me right now. I don’t understand it, and, as I write this, I’m coming to the conclusion that the constant hospital stays, the medications, and the fact my stepdad was ignoring her an awful lot to do other things wasn’t helping her psyche. Sometimes I felt like I was the daughter she didn’t truly want. I didn’t live up to certain expectations or agreements.
I was homeless for a bit in 2020, but I also learned a lot. I had a job with the Decennial Census, and I’m back in the small town where I grew up. It’s a short-term thing right this moment, a little over a year at the most, depending on how things play out socially and politically over the next year. I have goals in mind. I plan on pursuing them. At one point, I had three cats and a dog, but the dog passed away last week Thursday. She was 15 and having difficulty breathing. I was in the room with her the entire time. She deserved as much (and more) from me. (I miss her a lot.)
I had a whole thing I wanted to write up on representation and how it matters. I was using witchcraft as the theme, but it wasn’t flowing as nicely as I wanted it to do. I’m not someone who is for the constant perpetuation of negative stereotypes regarding any given culture. Images and words have power. They have impact, and we’re seeing a lot of turmoil as of late over books no longer being published (please note: not banned or cancelled by anyone; just no longer going into print due to the language and imagery not aging well over the last half a century; please also note that books go out of print every year, around 90,000, while traditional and indie publishing put forth an average 2 million between them), movies being taken out of viewing, and characters no longer showing up in certain cartoons.
It’s hard to have these discussions. There are people on one side saying if it offends, don’t bother to watch it or read it. There are people on the other side saying, it isn’t just offensive, it’s HURTFUL. It’s painful, and they’re right. Such depictions aren’t just offensive to them, they’re downright painful. Because they’re painful (and they’re also potentially dealing with a child who just isn’t neurotypical but neurodivergent – where they fall on the spectrum makes a difference) and they’re not allowing themselves the chance to process this pain, they don’t know how to have the difficult conversations needed. At the same time, those who are saying if you’re offended, don’t read or watch are displaying a great deal of insensitivy by saying what they’re saying. It all goes back to words have power, words have impact. As a writer and as a witch, Pagan, Heathen, Wiccan, I’m acutely aware of that. I try to be very careful and mindful of what I say and how I say it. I also am human and have failed a time or twenty, but I still wish to learn, I still wish to do better.
Enchanted Realms 